Stop Twitter Spam!

If you are on twitter nowadays, you accept that spam is a part of life. Certainly when it began it seemed as if twitter might be able to somehow avoid the spam monster, at least that was the hope, as 144 characters is not easy to sell your crappy product with. Unfortunately, the ubiquity of twitter began to grow and as a result we ended up with spammers selling of the same crap over and over again for weeks at a time. We ended up having to go through our accounts and delete followers that just didn’t make any sense to us. We had to deal with our telephone ringing every time somebody introduced us to a new muscle building product. I think you know where were going here.

I present to you the top five things that we have all been spammed by. I’m not trying to say that I am David Letterman, but I think that we all appreciate the humor involved in the spam game.

1. Penile Growth – I know what you are saying. Did I just use the word penile? Yes. I absolutely did. But I think we know what we are talking about when we talk about penile growth. We are speaking about Viagra, Cialis, and whatever else we can find that is going to pump up what we’ve already got or what we hope to have. I always find these add 5 inches ads to be pretty hilarious because they literally go out to everyone. But I wonder who actually answers these ads for a product that will enable them to “drill all night long” or “blast her with real power”. I really wish that I was making these things up. But I am not.

2. Acai Berries – Have you heard the news? Açai berries are apparently the best thing ever. They enabled me to lose 50 pounds and become a Charles Atlas type figure within two weeks of eating them in my smoothies. Yes, I can’t believe how powerful this single berry has been and as a result I am handsome and and am picking up ladies every day and a rich man recently pulled over in his Rolls-Royce and handed me the keys just because he was so impressed with me. It’s all because of the berry, y’all. I’m not going to tell you that it will cost you $200 for one month dose, but I will tell you come to my website and sign up your e-mail so that I can send you more and more spam every day about açai. It’s from Brazil, you know.

3. Come See My Pics – Hi. My name is Martina. I’m from the Ukraine. I really like some of the stuff that you have been putting on twitter, and I certainly find you to be very attractive of a person. Please come to check out my URL which is http://nakedchicksfromrussia/martina. I am sure that we will not only be friends but be able to have a long-term relationship in which we can really connect as two people. Yes. We love to connect here in the Ukraine. I hope that you will come to check out my webpage because I have built specifically for you. Please marry me.

4. God I’m Rich. Let Me Give You My Secret – Hi. My name is Bob, and if you come to my website you will see a lot of pictures of me driving around in fantastic looking automobile and hanging out with women with large and plastic breasts. This is to give you some form of visual proof that I am a very rich person. All you have to do is check out my website, you will see many of these pictures. You may even see me standing next to a private plane that is clearly not mine, but I managed to take some video in front of before the airport security came after me. The clear bonus I’m trying to offer you here is that I am willing to share my multimillion dollar secret with you for only $19.95. Does that sound strange to you? It shouldn’t. Why wouldn’t somebody who is a multimillionaire give away his secret for nothing as opposed to just continue to make millions of dollars every week. I can’t find a reason.

5. Work From Home And Be Rich! – I know what you’re thinking. There is no way that this offer to provide you with $400 per day in order to flit around your house and eat Pop Tarts and type a few things on your computer is going to be a real offer. I’m glad you said that. That is because we only deal with people who are skeptical of strange offers to provide them with $400 per day for doing little or no work. I can see you are one of these people, and you are the kind of smart people that we like to deal with. So please, just fill out this form and provide us with your credit card so we can charge you a “initiation fee” so that we can begin sending you your $400 every day for doing very little or nothing. Don’t forget that this offer is limited. If you sign up now, we will send you this pair of socks, too.

Tags: get yer spam here, twitter spam top 5, who's been spammed